1 Year Later: A Lifetime of Memories
Deborah M. Jackson, M.Div.
Grief may be likened to an amputation. When a limb is lost and replaced with a prosthetic the person still feels the void of the limb that’s been amputated. The death of someone you really love, someone whose presence held a monumental place in your world leaves an indescribable suffering behind. It is felt physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally and spiritually. This kind of intimate loss may change how you see life, your future, and even how you measure moving forward what’s important. It’s been one year since my mother left this earth and only the pitch of my pain has been lowered but the pain itself still remains. There will forever be a vacancy left in my life from the place only my mom occupied.
I still have not removed many of my mom’s things from her room. There is something wrapped into that process with such personal and intimate meaning. Factored into each person’s grief journey is the relationship and all it's dynamics.
About three months after my mom’s passing I was moving about in her bedroom and closet weeping and in a daze at her actually being gone. Memories of us flooded back to me about how much she loved Twilight. Although she didn’t remember how much she loved it years before, I thought about the quilt Bella’s mother had made for her graduation memorializing all the t-shirts from their travels together. Suddenly I knew what to do next. (FYI I learned receiving my own grief counseling and spiritual direction the cruciality of taking life one minute, five minutes, one day at a time)
In that next moment I knew I wanted to create a special quilt with many of my mom’s tops and pants.
Specifically, I imagined using as the tops and pants I had bought for her over the last eight years. Some she wore for our infamous Saturday dinners, others for our work outs during the week, our drives during COVID and special times together doing whatever.
I didn’t want it to be some company that made quilts in bulk but someone that put their heart and soul in their craft for the love of it. Once I found the right person, off the boxes went. It took seven months but was so worth the wait. After eight years of doing life together, I now have this extraordinary king-sized handmade quilt for the rest of my life…Watch my video as I opened the box.