Although, I shared some things about my journey as a caregiver over the years, truth is I was quite reserved. One reason was discernment, the other a sacred sensitivity. I was thrust into the reality of caring for my mother and it was not an easy surrender. I struggled with the potential impact it would have on my life.
At the time I discovered something was wrong it was very early, and I thank God for giving me almost supernatural perception; yet the whole thing scared me deeply. I had just come out of a very trying time of persecution, then walked away from my corporate career. Life was moving forward, and just as I was trying to find my footing again the ground broke beneath my feet.
How do you accept and embrace not only a sacrifice so huge, but a sacrifice filled with real moments of suffering, while abandoning your own plans with nothing more than uncertainty ahead? In addition, I also struggled with the conflicts that existed between me and my mom. We had a great relationship, but the fear and challenges of cognitive impairment very early in my discovery created anguishing waters to navigate for four years prior to me returning home. I’ve learned life rarely turns out the way we anticipate. Sometimes, the Lord gives us alarms and sirens on what’s ahead; however, more often He does not. I always knew one day I would talk about my caregiving journey. At the same time, as the years went by, I became clearer at how much the journey was changing me. I also began to see how much God was doing through it, and that always gave me great caution from flapping my gums to illicit social media attention or popularity. Sacred spaces require sacred handling. This journey as a caregiver has changed the very core of my being. There are so many miracles, and wonders I saw over the last decade. I saw God heal my mom of illnesses. I experienced God’s rescue as I prayed in the weee hours of the morning for comfort. I prayed and interceded so deeply for her healing from Alzheimer’s. Then at her death from lung cancer no doubt enlightenment came over me. The long journey (in which God allowed the use of Alzheimer’s) was less about Alzheimer’s. It was about us. My mom needed those years to prepare for her entry to glory; I needed them to prepare for my destiny.
Let this small snippet of the more I will one day share remind you today that God does not move as the world does - in His eye’s – the only way up is down -this is the way of Becoming Whole