Four months and no matter how many moments we shared God knew it would never be enough.
I would say to my 2011-year-old self “you’re going to go through the most uncertain, agonizing time of your life so far. It’s going to feel that you’re all alone - but the Lord is with you. You will feel forgotten and overwhelmed emotionally, spiritually, and mentally - but don’t let what you see and feel fool you because God is with you.
When mom closes her eyes and enters glory you will feel unanchored and unprotected but remember the Lord is your defense. And as time moves forward you will feel afraid and wonder if you can do life without her, questioning the value of the purpose God called you to, BUT it is real and will come to pass. God is the redeemer of the times.
You’re not leaving her behind she’s riding in the car with you. The Lord is your anchor and mom becomes an intercessor. I would tell my 2011 self that even though I thought it would all be about mom, what I would go through was all part of the plan - for both of us. God is going to build something inside of you money can never buy. He’s going to use what you’ve suffered to refine you like gold. Hold on - stay close to the Lord - and when the time arrives - you will hear mom’s voice saying, “fly my Debbie trust that God has you and just fly”.